Divorce/Separation

What to say

"I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you."  If you offer help - try to be specific like offering to have the children if there are meetings with lawyers etc. 

"I'm sorry.  I didn't know" .  (Avoid giving advice!)

It's good to acknowledge it's stressful even if your friend is relieved.

Be supportive.  Say "You're going to get through this difficult time."

Wish your friend the best - rather than mourning the end of the marriage.  "There's a whole new world ahead of you." 

On a practical side, don't ignore the person while they're in the midst of a divorce.  Still invite them to lunch with the girls or out on a Saturday night with other couples.  The biggest complaint from divorcees is that their social life takes a nose dive during/after a divorce and they would have appreciated a few invitations to get them out.

What not to say

Don't ask whose idea it was or who was to blame.   It's human nature to be interested but it certainly won't benefit your friend to take the conversation in that direction.

Don't ask personal questions like "What did you do with the house and the cars?"  "Are you lonely?"  You might be interested but again, it'll make your friend feel sad.

Don't be overdramatic.  "Oh, my god!  How are you going to handle this?"  There is a difference between sympathy and pity.

Quotes:

"Don't cry because it's over.  Smile because it happened."  -- Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

"Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response."  -- Mildred Barthel

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow."  -- Helen Keller

"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar." -- Raymond Lindquist

"Better a tooth out than always aching." -- Thomas Fuller

"When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to."  -- Helen Rowland

"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars."  -- Unknown

"We are divorced, we are friends, and we are good parents" -- Sarah Ferguson

"Though no one can go back and make a new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end."

Carl Bard

"What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be" -- Ellen Burstyn

"When we are together we are one,

when we are apart each is whole.

Let this be our dream.

Let this be our goal."

"I must conquer my loneliness alone.

I must be happy with myself or I have nothing to offer.

Two halves have little choice but to join and yes, they do make a whole.  But two wholes, when they coincide...that is beauty.  That is love."

"I don't want to build my life around you,

but I do want to include you in the building of my life."

                                                                 -- from How to Survive the Loss of a Love

Links:

Note: The links we list are for reference only, since we cannot fully review and endorse all content.

www.divorcesupport.com

www.divorcemag.com

www.divorceasfriends.com

www.divorcecare.org

www.millenniumdivorce.com